Certainty
by myfoodisnotshared
Summary: '"You called me a mudblood," she said, simple and direct. It was so vile a thing she wished it was complex, a puzzle like Severus was, but it was plain and ugly and standing there between them like a prison fence.' Lemon warning!


**Disclaimer: There is a world (let's call it Yumyum Land) and it is a beautiful place. There are rivers of chocolate, pigeons fly upside down and I own the HP series. In this wonderful land, the characters have a bad habit of sleeping with each other at regular intervals and doing things not fit for description, but that we all like to have described anyway. Alas, the only problem is that I'm stuck in this world and here, J.K. Rowlings owns HP. So I just have to imagine.**

The glorious summer heat had died and clouds were spreading over the sky like a shroud pulled over a body. Lily – young, beautiful and admired, watched her friend Severus – bullied, hook-nosed and volatile – with eyes that had seen too much.

He sat there unaware as she studied him. She couldn't help but compare him to a bookcase, full of stories and scars and memories that you had to examine to understand, and sometimes you couldn't grasp the ideas of one book unless you'd read another. The shabby clothes that told of poverty caused by his father's drunkenness, the uniform black that was Severus's way of not wearing the Slytherin scarf. And the blank, sour expression that kept would-be friends away and bullies like James coming back for more. She knew all this, had been with him for so much of it. She couldn't help that she loved him, perhaps not romantically but passionately, truly, faithfully.

She trailed her hand over the rough bark and smiled wistfully. "This used to be our place," she said, and Severus almost jumped out of his skin. His wide, obsidian eyes took in her sad expression, the careful distance between them, and the loneliness that turned her bright eyes dull.

"It still could be," he said with a choked-up, rough voice. The plea went unspoken, hovering in the air like a bad smell. Several feet away she lowered herself to the ground and sighed, her eyes appraising the tear tracks on his cheeks. She turned her head towards the Forbidden Forest, not looking at him. It was still too raw.

"You called me a mudblood," she said, simple and direct. It was so vile a thing she wished it was complex, a puzzle like Severus was, but it was plain and ugly and standing there between them like a prison fence. She could hear his breathing shudder. She still didn't turn.

"Lily, Lily I didn't mean it." His voice wasn't calm and cool like hers. It was frantic with passion and fear, hot conviction and cold desperation. "I don't care that you're a– a muggle born. That's nothing to me, Lils, nothing."

The view was beautiful. Her clean fingers dug into the soft earth and found purchase there, an anchor in a rough storm. Strangely, she wished they could stay this way forever, no decisions made, no sides taken. In a few moments their lives would be changed forever. Whether she stood with her best friend – the boy who had betrayed her – or walked away as a Gryffindor should would be the choice that marked and made her.

"Severus…" her voice trailed away. She was shaking slightly – dear Merlin, she couldn't do this. She had started off so calm, so well. But it was so hard to pretend that it would all be alright when Severus, Severus needed her and she didn't know if she would be strong enough to help him.

A cold hand touched hers, hesitant at first, fingers over fingers. It almost didn't need to be said but at the same time had to be shouted, screamed, told to everyone everywhere. She settled for a whisper. "Sev… I'm never giving up on you. I am never, _ever_ letting you go."

There was silence for a moment, complete silence, even though the wind still had to be blowing and the tree still creaking and their hearts still beating. There was no sound at all.

Then gentle hands turned her eyes from the skyline and soft lips met for the first time, and a young wizard in scraggly black finally grew up to become a man.

**~ Line**** Break ~ Line Break ~ Line Break ~**

And that was how Lily and Severus ended up in her dormitory, on her bed, making out in a frenzy of teeth and lips and sighs.

His heavy weight pressed her back, breathless against the pillows, his tongue exploring her mouth. They had never gone beyond kissing before, not in all their four months of dating. Lily intended to change that fact.

Her hand traced its slow way from his black, black hair to his shoulder blades, admiring and memorising, gripping lightly as her back arched towards him. Severus hesitated, lips paused as she ground against him – but her other hand encouraged him back down. Their kiss was warm and passionate, defiant of the risk of being caught, and Lily sighed into it. Why she hadn't started this sooner, she would never know. She continued her way down to the edge of his muggle t-shirt, loose and baggy, and then touched the skin there, warm and smooth under her fingertips, desirably close to his trouser line. Where the air had been warm before it was suddenly crackling with heat, electric and pulsing. Without her noticing it her breathing had risen to a sharp pant.

His stormy eyes roamed over her face and he kissed her once, shifting against her. _Oh._ She knew what that was, pressed against her stomach, and from his blush he knew it too. She was a Gryffindor, she told herself, and no one could take that courage from her.

She slipped her hand underneath his equally loose and tasteless trousers, exploring slowly, listening to his heart thudding against her. She was panting and desperate but he was too, and she pinched the firm buttocks there greedily, massaging it with her open palm. He broke away, eyes searching before she bucked her hips. He was a guy – of course he couldn't resist.

"Sev," she moaned, eyelids half shut when he started kissing the hollow of her throat. Hesitant. Scared. But more than a little interested.

She decided, spur of the moment, to be bold and flipped them over, straddling him. Her breathe caught and desire pooled in her belly as she looked down at him through her eyelashes. Instinctually she pressed onto the hardness beneath her and his rosy lips opened. He moaned fantastically, the sound filling the air.

"Lily," he said after a moment, but the words came out more as a pant. "Are you–"

"Sure?" She cut in, stroking down the lines of his hard chest, the simple but sturdy muscles there hidden by just a single layer of cotton. "Yes, I'm sure. Are you?"

He nodded dryly, too aroused to speak. He never thought he'd see the day when Lily Evans kissed him, straddled him and offered to make love to him, but he wasn't about to question it. He pulled her down towards him, kissing her again as they ground against each other. This was perfection, of that he was sure.

Lily, meanwhile, was strategizing about how to get them out of their clothes, preferably bit by bit and preferably whilst kissing and licking all the way down her boyfriend's perfect chest. His skin, she knew from the hickey she gave him last week, tasted of honey and peppermint and it was _delicious,_ something she couldn't miss out on. A girl could be greedy when she wanted to be, after all.

He gasped when she changed her rhythm, rubbing little circles against his crotch. She pressed harder, eager and wet for him. She wanted him to _touch her_.

His hands suddenly reached for her shirt, scrambling at the buttons like a dying man with his last drop of water. Laughter bubbled up and she kissed him, short and sweet. "Rip it."

He did, the buttons popping and the thread tearing, and then it was only a matter of pulling her red bra down, unclasped and off, and then-

Sweet Merlin, the desire in his eyes would kill her for sure. His delicate, potion maker's hands stroked her breast like she was priceless and then she was on bottom again, rolled over with incredible gentleness and caught there. His teeth grabbed hold and sucked on each nipple in turn and the sound that escaped her was embarrassing, but apparently he liked it, because the hand that wasn't doing phenomenal things to her breast was trailing downwards.

He pinched right there, gentle but firm, through the cloth and she _bucked _against him. Neither seemed able to breathe properly any more.

"Sev!" She called, begging him for something, anything to release the coil that was building up inside her. "Please!"

His lips left her breast with a pop and he leaned back, watching her splayed out beneath him as he removed his top in one smooth motion. Her fingers reached greedily for him. He was _hers_.

"No, not yet," he commanded, strong and powerful. She lay back in surprise, and then licked her lips when she saw what a sight he was. He pressed into her crotch and then hastily started off with her buttons and zipper, grabbing the sides of her jeans and pulling down inch by inch. She slipped a hand under her panties, playing there, wet already. Good god, she loved this boy.

He slid her jeans off both legs and sat back, admiring before swatting her hand away and sliding back up her body. His bare skin rubbed against hers, but even better were his hands caressing each nipple as he kissed and lightly bit the valley between her breasts, causing moans from deep in her throat. He was pressing now, teasing her as she had him, and it was torment. Each time her hands reached down he would reach out and catch her wrist, pinning it to the bed above her.

"Please," she panted, quivering with something she'd never felt before. "_Please."_

He paused, and then chose to be merciful, trailing one hand down her chest, to her waist, slipping between them and then, oh, _oh_. His fingers slid between her folds, rubbing her, touching the edge of her sex before pulling back. Unable to buck into him properly, she pressed up, pleading with her taunt and deprived body, legs winding half around his waist. She was begging, she knew, but she was far beyond caring. He released the nipple he had been mouthing and kissed her, before sliding a single finger in.

It was exquisite, ethereal, and not nearly enough all at the same time. He pumped in and out at first an agonisingly slow and then breathtakingly quick pace. She contracted around him in pleasure and he moaned her name, dragging the sound out like a prayer. She was so close, so wanton, and yet still not over the edge.

He pulled his finger out suddenly and she cried out at the sudden loss of contact, but he tipped her chin back and gave her a whisper of a kiss. She saw Sev in his eyes, her friend, confidant and equal, and she kissed him right back. She knew the silent question he was asking, but her mind was already made up. She had no refusal to his wishes.

He pulled off the loose trousers and the pants that they had had no time to remove and pressed against her. Freed and flying high on arousal she reached down and ran her hand along his length, soft and silky and so _close_ to her sex. It was warm, solid, and felt just right in her hand. Sev made a sound like a bird cry and pushed a little closer, his hand folding over her own. She kissed his jaw and ran her hand over him, rubbing the sticky precum over her fingers and down him, guiding her to her, pressing against her edge.

"Love you," she somehow managed to whisper, and he pushed in slowly. Her breathe was robbed from her and she made a sound somewhere between joy and pain, gripping onto his shoulder blades. The sensation was overpowering – being ripped apart and made whole at the same time, a gentle intrusion that she welcomed with a blissful moan. His hand rubbed her in dizzying circles and he stilled, letting the pain fade. Mutely she nodded, encouraging him on, and he pulled back again.

His rhythm was unsteady and his thrusts uncertain but she was in ecstasy, rolling her hips and crying out when he increased his speed. She could feel the coil tightening in her stomach, stifling her and tensing her, making her moan and cry as Sev wavered with jagged breaths on top of her. "I'm gonna… I'm-"

It was all the warning she got and all the warning she needed. He cried out and let go, pulsing inside of her and sending her racing over the edge. Her vision blurred with white as pleasure of the most amazing kind shot through her, making her scream his name in a blurred ecstatic moan. It lasted for what seemed like an eternity of joy before she slowly, achingly became aware of him slumped across her. The rise and fall of her chest lifted him up, and as if sensing her eyes on him, he turned his head to look at her.

"Lily…" she thought he managed to say before she caught him in a searing kiss. He rolled off, making her suddenly aware of how squashed she had been, and pulled her to lie next to him. She snuggled into his chest, feeling his heartbeat rapid against her own.

"I– I love you," he whispered in her ear, hesitant and slightly scared. She almost laughed before realizing how bad an idea that would be. Instead, she pulled herself up, kissed his lips once and settled back down.

"I love you too. Always have."

**A/N: My eternal thanks to Twipotterfreak28 who is the most **_**wonderful**_** beta-reader ever to live, and who is also very funny and a very, very good writer. If you liked **_**anything**_** about this then it was probably her doing so go read!**

**You review my fic I review yours!**


End file.
